An Interview with Lady Snark
In which the authoress of The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion dispenses thoughtful advice for cubicle dwellers. Question: When should I start thinking of what to say?Lady Snark: The sooner the better—don’t wait until the last minute. You should always plan ahead, just as you would for a vacation or a bank robbery.
IYBD 2008 is Wednesday, July 23!
Question: Wouldn’t it be better to work through feelings of anger in one of those touchy-feely stress management programs?
Lady Snark: Why waste your time on meditation when you can gain instant inner peace by humiliating your boss in front of an important client?
Question: If someone has an awful job, isn’t insulting the boss going to make it worse?
Lady Snark: Don’t let fear of retributions stop you from speaking your mind. If you’re already in the ninth circle of hell, what harm could it do to throw a little gasoline on the fire?
Question: You don’t seem to have a job yourself. Would you consider working in an office?
Lady Snark: If I had to work for a living, I think I would prefer a more solitary career, such as being a hit man. Assassins, after all, are never tormented with a hundred nearly identical pictures of Sue’s baby being licked on the mouth by a worm-ridden puppy, nor must they suffer the noxious “silent but deadly” farts of Jim in the next cubicle.
Question: If work is so terrible, why do you think people do it?
Lady Snark: I always assumed people took office jobs to avoid spending time with their families.
Question: Henry David Thoreau said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Don’t you think that’s just the way things are?
Lady Snark: My dear, it may be true that the mass of employees lead lives of quiet desperation, but loud desperation is much more fun. I imagine that’s why Thoreau didn’t have a job.